Tag Archives: tongue-in-cheek

Top Ten Questions I Have About Tomorrow’s Rapture

20 May

10. Will it look like something out of a Dean Koontz novel?

9. How do you decide what to wear to a Rapture?

8. Will it be aired live on CNN?

7.  As people are ascending, will they be able to post Facebook statuses and Tweets about what it’s like?

6. Is there free wireless Internet in Heaven, for people to Facebook those left behind that they’ve arrived safely?

5.  What if it’s raining? Will there be a rain day or will the Rapture go ahead no matter what the weather is like?

4.  Will all the “good” people ascend at once? Or will people with children in strollers be allowed to go first, like when they board airplanes?

3. Will it happen all at once across the globe, or will it be phased in across time zones, like ringing in the New Year?

2. When it’s all over and done with, will the earthly telephone and Internet connections remain intact, so those of us left behind can figure out who else didn’t make the cut to get into Heaven?

1. When the world wakes up completely unchanged on May 22nd, what reason will the Rapturites give for the fact that the promised event failed to materialize?